I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
