so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
