Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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