in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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