I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
