a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
