I think my fart just growled at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
