If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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