This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
