It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
