Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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