you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
