Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
