Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize