By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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