The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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