Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
