Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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