You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize