My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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