I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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