you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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