2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So drunk its hurt
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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