My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
