i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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