I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
