but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
