he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
