I cockslap morals
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was like eating out sand paper
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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