Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I CAN MOONWALK!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
