Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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