Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
