Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
