You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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