we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
