she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
