My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
