im drinking this country out of the recession.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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