Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
