I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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