I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Found the puke drawer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
