Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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