as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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