the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
