Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
