YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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