I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
