Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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