we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
