to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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