I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The best revenge is premature balding
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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