Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
