sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
