either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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