We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
