I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
