I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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