so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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