he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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