Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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