we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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