I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
