not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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