they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
