I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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