Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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