Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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