I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
