all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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