grandma shit on top of the toilet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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