girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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