White coat. Heels.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
