never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
